Insane Goddess of the Mansion
by CybeastFalzar
Summary: Flandre wants to join normal society. Patchouli thinks she's found a way to do it: Seal away Flandre's ability to crush an Eye of Existence. The sealing was partway successful. She lost the ability to crush the Eyes, but gained something far darker... What did she do with that power? Start an incident that was far easier to FIGURE out than many others, but much harder to RESOLVE...


First things first, because I have to get this out of the way.

This, as the description already reveals, is an AU fic, meaning it may not stay true to canonical depictions of characters.

Touhou Project was created by ZUN. I do not claim ownership of any part of Touhou Project, at all, and all - *shink*

Sakuya: "Let me put it this way. Get on with the damn story, and stop this stalling, or the next thing you feel will be 50 knives in your torso. Got it?"

Well, you heard her. Let's get on with the main event, and stop this *scrape*

Sakuya (annoyed): "Not one more word of this nonsense! Start telling it from the beginning, or else. I can always find another person to tell it to..."

* * *

Chapter 1: Daytime in the Night-Dwellers' Mansion

"Hello everyone! I'm sure we all had a good night, one way or another!" came the voice of Remilia Scarlet, who had "woken up" and was currently drinking her morning cup of tea. Of course, as everyone knew, she hadn't "woken up." She was a vampire, and that meant she generally didn't sleep. But the charade helped keep things affable between them and everyone else.

"I had a nice sleep, mistress. Was your bed comfy?" replied Sakuya. Actually, she wasn't happy. She'd been woken up in the middle of the night by a loud noise. Ordinarily, she'd have simply slapped whichever fairy maid it was, but it turned out to be Patchouli practicing her magic again. Being human, and tired, she didn't want to start an argument. So she resolved to talk about it later.

"Me? I didn't have any problems." replied Patchouli. She was very obviously lying, because she looked like she hadn't slept for weeks. But Remilia was, as usual, not really caring and just waiting for her turn to enthuse, again, about the fantastic event they'd all been invited to at the shrine. Which as soon as Patchouli stopped talking, she immediately did, to no one's surprise. The rest of them had just decided to tune it out sometime around the 5th time she'd done that. She never asked anyone any questions, and it didn't seem like she cared whether anyone was listening. "_She had to pick NOW to develop a love of her own voice." _Patchouli thought to herself, irritated.

"I wanna know? Why can't I come?" came a plainitive voice. Sakuya and Meiling both groaned inwardly. Despite numerous explanations as to why she couldn't come, the Secret Scarlet, as they had come to call her, just didn't GET it. There would be tons of humans there, there would be a lot of chatter, and unlike Remilia, she wasn't exactly easy to get along with. Every time in the past, her attempts to "play with" someone ended in disaster, forcing them to leave.

"Could you explain it to her, Patchouli? Again, in terms that don't require a law degree to understand?" asked Remilia. Now Patchouli groaned inwardly. It wasn't fancy language that was the issue. It was the fact that Flandre chose to forget an explanation she didn't like soon after receiving it. But it was no use explaining that to Remilia. None. Zero. The one time she'd tried, she'd wound up in pain for the next 2 weeks.

As "breakfast" wound down, Remilia used her danmaku to form a red number 7. She'd been doing this once a day since she got the invitation, and frankly, everyone else was tired of her making them have to look at the countdown.

"I just want to remind you all that we have a week before this event. I'm so excited about this and I want to-" She launched into ANOTHER round of talking to nobody. Nobody, because nobody else was listening. But Flandre was irritated that she'd had to listen to this nonsense for more than a month, when she couldn't go.

She knew Sakuya wouldn't care, and Meiling wasn't any help. But she had hope. A hope that Patchouli would come through for her. She had spent the last month hoping that tonight was the night that Patchouli would find a solution to one of the main bars between her and society: her ability to crush something's Eye of Existence. If that was gone, she wouldn't be nearly as careless. And this morning, she'd found a note by her door.

"May have solution. Meet me in library after breakfast."

She was ecstatic. But she decided to hide it, hoping to guilt her sister into letting her go.

"Don't give me the puppy look, Flandre. It doesn't suit you. You're not going. That's final."

Well, so much for that idea. Flandre left the room, heading towards the basement again, hoping that Patchouli had pulled through...

* * *

Sakuya (grimacing): "Of course, the mistress had no clue about this. Patchouli and Flandre were working against her direct orders. But believe me, this wouldn't stay "in house" for much longer..."

Why are you telling me this?

Sakuya: "To mess with your head? I really don't know. You just seemed to me to be a great person to tell it to. I'm not really Sakuya Izayoi, you know. At least not that one. But it's more convenient this way. Us AU counterparts are by necessity not the same people as the ones we're named for. However, we share the same name & powers. In fact, I'm a different one than the one in the story I'm telling you!"

*speechless*

Sakuya: "I definitely messed with your head right there, didn't I? Don't worry, we'll have TONS of time to get to know each other later! I'll make SURE of that... *laughs* And as for you. Are you enjoying my story? The one which I was created solely to deliver?" She stares at you, tears in her eyes. "I'll cry if no one's listening. I'm close to it already, so how about it? What do you think?"


End file.
